Tonight my friend told me that her father has cancer. Stage two. Cancer, it's the most common torture of the time. I told her "it's okay" and we said our "good nights".
It wasn't. It was not okay as I walked back home to my place. I felt like every step I make hesitate to step on the ground, and as if my butt drags me back to where my friend and I said our "good night"s. God, it was an unknown pain inside I was feeling. I kept thinking of forgetting something. I felt a hug was missed. I felt bad. Seriously bad, it almost had sickened me as well as the share she'd told me.
I didn't know what exactly to do! Should I go back? Run back after her, and give her the hug I felt forgotten and missed? Or should I just... I don't know, don't mind the thought? I couldn't take it. It's so bad a feeling I felt really bad. Damn it! i say.
I ran back, rushed down my place and back outside. I rushed to her building as quickly as I can feel, damn it pushed the elevator up myself up to the ninth floor, rang the bell, her door opened, and gave her my hug. I told her "it's okay" though I know it's not. She told me "it's fine" and thought I left my bag at hers. I told her "it's okay" and told her "good night".
She to me is special, and she deserves the hug. I just want to let her know that I do care and that it's okay even if the world knows it's not at the moment.
Tonight was a good night. Not doing what I had just done, I must have felt sickened by myself 'til morn. Destitution perils not only the destitute, but, sometimes, perils the one that destitutes more.
I felt drunk. I regret not the hug.
Your buddy
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